gullindagan

Viet ek at ek hekk
vindga meiði á
nætr allar níu,
geiri undaðr
ok gefinn Óðni
sjálfr sjálfum mér
á þeim meiði
er manngi veit
hvers hann af rótum renn
 
- Stanza 138 of the Havamal
from notendur.hi.is/haukurth/norse/reader/runatal.html


So what are we doing with all this occult training? What is the goal? I may have asked this before, but it bears repeating. Again and again. Just as you train your eyes far down the road in front of you when driving, to keep the eye on the prize, to keep the head on the problem, to keep the goal in mind is of utmost importance. There are often times when I forget why I do what I do, when I get caught up in mundane activities, in petty drama, when my daily practices feel more like chores than the deeply sacred rites they are. This is when having trust in yourself, and strong commitment is important, but this is also when the reminder of the highest goal is most needed.

I recently read a book by W.E. Butler, titled Lords of Light: The Path of Initiation in the Western Mysteries, and I highly recommend it. The introduction of the book is a condensation of the path of an initiate, and drips with Butler's wisdom, after having been on the path for 60 odd years (this was his last book.) It was one of those reminders that illuminated my mind with the truth of what is important, and why I do all that I do. To quote in full: "The path is not a path of those who are wanting something; it is a path for those who are going to be something, who are going to take of themselves and forge from themselves an instrument in the hands of the Divine. We are going to offer ourselves, all of ourselves, everything in us, to the Eternal. And from the Eternal comes the gnosis, the knowledge that is above knowledge." (pg 8)

The goal is to become my greatest potential. This is something that I, as a personality, cannot even fathom. If I could, I don't think that would really be my greatest potential, though it is of great importance to try to imagine what I want to become as much as I am able to from this perspective. Only then does the ring of darkness recede, creating both more light and darkness, more potential actualized, and more possibilities potentiated. More possibilities, but also less. As the potential is defined, more potentials are evaporated. Work leads to more work. Hopefully, each work leads to greater works, and as the higher potential is manifested, the less pleasant possibilites are annulled.

It is easy to take this train all the way to Narcissusburgh, but that is why we must remember that we are not doing this just for our own sake, for the lower personality's sake, or the sake of our baser urges. We don't do this for flimsy gratification, but to make of ourselves a more capable instrument of service, and a more perfect sacrifice for the divine, which is my (and all of our) highest, deepest identity. As Butler says "Service, true service, is the only key. And that is the reason, service to ourselves, to make of ourselves true sacrifices, to give something worthwhile, to make of ourselves a jewel. And that means occult training." (pg 6)

Occult training is not necessarily fun. It requires discipline, will, sacrifice. Meditation is not fun. It can be, but often it's really boring and a lot of hard work. Ritual is maybe more fun, but doing the same thing every day is not easy. We lose some friends, we gain some new ones. Maybe. We give up certain habits and take up new habits.  We give up certain pleasures to make higher pleasures possible. Transformation is not easy, it never is, but something deep inside very quietly roars that it's necessary.

But service, service is the key. Have you ever tried to help somebody? Have you ever tried to help somebody and it made their situation worse? Have you ever really thought about what "service" means? In the Hippocratic school of ancient medicine, they said "Practice two things in your dealings with disease: either help or do not harm the patient". (Lloyd, Geoffrey, ed. (1983). Hippocratic Writings (2nd ed.))  In regular life, not just in medicine, this seems like a good rule of thumb, but too often in our attempts to help other people, or to provide service, we trip over our own  psychological hangups, ignorance, or even just plain arrogance. Maybe that's how we learn, but this is also why working on ourselves is so important. To see how our actions actually affect others takes clarity of mind and perspective, and to have the ability and wisdom to either not act or to act decisively when the time is right, requires self-knowledge, will, and a clear intuition. These are all things that are developed through occult training. By focusing on our own development, for the sake of service and not just for the sake of the personality, we actually serve the whole world. As Butler says experiencing gnosis convinces you deeply by experience that "you are linked with every form of life in this universe, that you are part of the living universe." (pg 7) That's another pay off of doing these practices, and another way in which working on yourself helps everybody else. When you act from a place of deep connection and of reciprocity, you're much more likely to help instead of hurt.  There is another, deeper layer here too, for when we take into account the "tracks in space" that we help cut by doing these practices, focusing on our own development also helps out everybody else.

So we follow Odin, we hang on the Tree of the World, the Tree of Terror, the Great Tree flecked with White Clay by the Well of Origin, and we sacrifice ourselves to the Divine, we sacrifice ourselves to ourselves, that we might discover the Great Mysteries, the Runes, that we might be Transformed, to become our Highest Self, to be of true service.

And what is our "highest self"? Well, as Butler says "When the old initiate of the Greek Mysteries came to the well where the White Tree grew, the guardians stopped him and asked, "Who are you?"" (pg 7) So who are you? "The god within us, that is our real self, our true self." (Butler, pg 12) But don't take my word, or Butler's, for it. The task is to experience this, to have gnosis of this, for yourself. To experience your Self, for your self, and your self for your Self.